Humbled to Fast

As we come to the end of the Lenten fast, I hear a lot of folks rejoicing and looking forward to enjoying what they gave up.  Now, I’ve never been good at fasting, but I did experience a fast a few years ago, which happened to be during Lent that changed my life forever. 

I had a 35 year addiction to caffeine that started when I was in high school.  At first it was just Cokes, and then in college I added caffeine pills.  I felt pretty good about myself because all my study friends who started caffeine pills advanced to speed the next year and I didn’t.  I did have a few scares when I took more than I should have, usually during finals week.  When I became a new mom and I was trying to work 60-70 hours a week, keep my house clean, and play with our children every moment they were awake, caffeine pills were the only way I could survive.  I tried to cut back, especially as the damage grew, but all the non-malignant tumors, the stomach ulcers, and the heart murmur, not to mention the constant weight gain just didn’t stand up to my addiction. 

So when I was at work one day, typing on my computer, and I heard God say “it’s time to quit caffeine” I was a bit surprised.  I had tried many times before, but it was because I thought it was a good idea, now God was telling me I had to.  It was really hard.  It took a month and a half before the headaches stopped; I remember the day well.  What I learned about fasting is when you pick something that really matters, you will need to find a substitute.  I could have starting drinking more juice, ones high in sugar could have given me a similar energy boost, but what I choose was God.  When I got to work in the morning and I needed a Coke to wake up and start the day I prayed and drank my water.  When I sat down for lunch and my daily energy drink, I prayed instead and drank my water.  In the middle of the afternoon when I reached for a caffeine pill and my Coke to drink it down, instead I prayed and drank my water.  When I drove by McDonalds on my way home and saw their sign for a $1 large Coke, filled with ice, I prayed (with my eyes open).  I prayed for patience, strength, endurance, energy, faith, my brokenness, my need, my headache, and the list goes on.  As I realized I wouldn’t make it through without God’s help, I humbled myself and was blessed over and over again.  God also put a song on my heart, “I Will Rise” by Chris Tomlin.  Every time I needed caffeine I would hear this song and know I could make it through this.  God knew that I had to.

Two months after giving up caffeine I was diagnosed with diverticulitis with the strong possibility of colon cancer.  Not only was I able to bear the pain, because I no longer was using caffeine, but I had learned to put all of my faith in God.  He had been there through my fasting and if I could get through that I would be able to get through anything.  I also knew that He wanted me to go on the mission trip, so I knew it would all be ok in the end.  I was in incredible pain, I bled 24 hours a day for three weeks, yet I was able to go to work and function.  I should have bled to death, but instead I asked God to heal me, all of me, everything and I believed He could.  I knew the mighty power of God and to Him this was nothing.  A week before the mission trip I received an emergency colonoscopy.  The doctor found no signs of bleeding and no sign that I ever had diverticulitis.  He found a small pulp that looked like it had never bled. 

Our God can heal all wounds!  He is the almighty God who walks with us, leads us, holds us up when we are weak, and prepares us for what is coming.  Every time I look at my water bottle I am reminded of what we went through together, how He was there for me and helped me through.  If you are far from God and wanting to get closer, try fasting from something that you feel brings you life, so that you can learn to rely on the one who truly brings you life and life abundantly! 

The Rock in Troubled Waters

When Jesus called the disciples to follow him, they were called to leave their jobs, homes, wealth, and their families behind. We know from the bible that they just walked away. Seldom are we told of how they must have wept for the loss of their families and loved ones, yet deep inside they knew it was what they were called to do. Over the years I have been thankful that God does not call us to leave our families; most of the missionaries I know serve with their families. That said however, God’s request has not changed. Are you willing to leave all you know and follow me? Are you willing to put me first? Is your faith strong enough to trust me, to believe that I have you and your families best interest in mind?

A mother’s heart tends to be a servant heart, even the word mother is formed mainly by the word “other.” So it has been a struggle for the last seven years to but my faith in God and know that he alone will meet the needs of my family, if I have faith to follow and trust him. I have kept the depth of this faith a secret from my family. A week ago, terrified, I stepped out in faith and let my family know my priorities.

1) My spiritual health comes first. I will strive to develop my relationship with God first. That means I need time to read and learn his words, pray and connect to his spirit, and serve by listening and obeying where he leads me.

2) My family comes second. That means I will see to your physical needs, doing the laundry, shopping to make sure you have healthy foods, paying the bills so you have heat, water, and shelter. I will enforce a healthy lifestyle so that you get plenty of sleep and you are focused on your studies so that you can have a productive and rewarding future. This also means that I am focused on taking care of dad and our relationship. That means we need to have time together.

3) My physical health comes third. I am going to be eating healthier so you are stuck with less junk food. Dad and I will be going to the gym in the evenings after we eat, so you may have to help us get the dishes done so we can get there quicker.

4) My job comes fourth. I find it mentally rewarding and I feel it serves many purposes. Not only am I able to help other children and families it provides an income that allows us to live comfortably.

I made a mistake. God is still my number one priority, but I can’t separate who I am. By doing that I left the door wide open for Satan to walk in. I have been under attack all week from my family, friends, co-workers, as well as myself. My relationship with God has to be with all of me; it includes my spiritual well-being, my physical health, and my emotional stability. Satan used those around me to challenge my relationship with God. I’ve had a hard time this weekend questioning whether I really was willing to take on persecution or if I wanted to let go of God. This morning as our minister prayed about walking away from comfort into the uncomfortable I saw my mistake. By trying to face this trial on my own I was like a rock in the water being struck and worn down by the rapids. As I prayed and asked Christ to forgive me for my instability I saw that rock in the water grow. As I forgave those around me who put me through hell this week he lifted me up out of the water, away from the troubled waters.

So I amend my priorities. God still comes first, I come second, my family third and work fourth. It’s like the air bags that drop in airplanes at the drop in air pressure. If I don’t take care of myself first, I won’t be able to help those around me. By putting my family above myself I allowed them to challenge and shake my relationship with God. I chose to be strong in God for my sake as well as theirs.

Christ, thank you for being that sturdy rock in the middle of peaceful and troubled waters. When we rest in your arms we are lifted above the line of fire and find peace. Your word promises us peace even when life around us is bent on whipping us around and wearing us down. Lord, I chose to follow you, to give up my life for you. Direct me as you will. I know you will take care of me and my family and even as I follow you, you will bless them and make them whole. Thank you Lord! Amen.