Ode to Aunt Marian

Everyone has a “fun” relative, Aunt Marian was mine. She was married to my grandmother’s brother, Russell. I always felt like I had three sets of grandparents. They had five children, the two youngest were still living at home when I started spending weekends with my cousin Lisa, the oldest child of Aunt Marian‘s oldest son. Their daughter, Angela, would come home from MSU on weekends and have girl time with us. When we were young Aunt Marian always had toys on the side porch room for us to play with. She always made sure you picked up after yourself before you left and she always checked to make sure it passed inspection. In the summer when it was hot and we started getting on her nerves she would send us all out to the swimming hole. It was a pond in the woods, back through a field, with a rope swing. I know how much this dates me, but I know you wish you had been there too. Perhaps this is where my love of water originated from.

Aunt Marian was a lady, with a bit of farm mom attitude. She would curl and put up our hair like we were princesses. She always had every color of nail polish possible, and she insisted we walk tall with our heads up. She made sure we apologized for belching while watching television with the whole family, even when she knew it was either Uncle Steve or Dan, just because ladies don’t do that. She was the lady in the country that pierced ears with an ice cube and needle before ear piercings were cool. She had us help Uncle Russell in the garden so that we could get rides on his lap on the tractor when we were done. She would also send us out to Dan’s fort in the woods even though she knew it had snakes living it in, because we needed the exercise before dinner.

The family picnics were always at her house and she always had the best stuff going on in the kitchen. It was a big kitchen, long before they were popular. Ten people could easily cook in her kitchen. You would walk in and she would immediately put you to work, thanks to many hands it was always done on time. It was a traditional farm family. The women were inside cooking and all the men were outside around the barbeque. After the meal, and a short rest, everyone would take a walk through the fields. Uncle Russell always mowed a path and all the couples would walk hand-in-hand with us kids running up ahead. She was a bold lady, she spoke the truth in a direct and matter-of-fact way. She gave you some rope to run, but she was never afraid of yanking your chain. Lisa and I would spend hours at night talking in bed at the top of the stairs, until she told us to be quiet. Then all we could do is look at each other and giggle into our pillows. We longed for the time we were old enough to partake in the family card games. It seemed like twenty people fit around that kitchen table and the card games went on forever. I think that is where my love of family games comes from. There were jokes, friendly lessons, and “suggested” rules of behavior that went on around that table once you were old enough to join and you always knew you were loved.

My Aunt Marian was also a lady of God and she knew kids well. Uncle Russell and Aunt Marian attended a little, white, country church. She would dress us up, do our hair, tell us to listen and be quiet. Then she would give us each a little purse filled with cinnamon red candies, enough to make it through the service, and pennies to put in the offering. After the service Aunt Marian taught Sunday School and we were part of her class. I don’t remember the specific lessons now, part I do remember there was always an art project that made me think church was really fun.

She loved her kids, my Uncle Russell and all of her grandchildren. She took care of them like a mother hen, but she always believed in having fun. I learned a lot about relationships from her and how to play. The times I spent with her have impacted everyday of my life. My Aunt Marian died yesterday at the age of 92. She will be missed by all and we are so blessed to have had in her our lives.

It’s Crystal Clear

Sometimes the simplest lessons are the most basic. It’s not the elaborate plots that cause us to stop and admire God’s work, it’s those short, momentary glimpses of Heaven that bring us to our knees. I was reminded of this just a short while ago when our pastor shared his life changing moment with God. For a couple months we had sat in awe of his sudden passion for life and Christ, his clear crystal understanding of his purpose and the openness of his shortcomings and doubts. He had invited the Holy Spirit into his life and he was as bright as an LED bulb. The scene had been set for the big unveiling of this life changing moment. In total humility, tears falling from his eyes, he stood there and said “God loves me.” For a moment I was shocked, I was expecting more. But then I watched how this depth of love had wiped out all his pride, removed any thoughts or desires to control his life, and I realized the power of those three simple words. This pure form of love has reformed sinners, brought down giants, and created kings out of murders.

We are all created with this longing to be loved. It is a love that only God can fill, but rarely do we open ourselves up to experience that love. We are always so sure we can handle thing on our own, we are just fine, I’m ok, I’ve got it… Until we humble ourselves to feel God’s love, we haven’t a clue what real love is. It’s not a mental or emotional love or even a spiritual love. It’s like a piece of us that has always been missing, it goes right to our hearts and reminds us that even though we don’t deserve to be loved, we are loved by God in a pure and unconditional manner. Because there are no secrets that love fills every inch of us. Until you experience it you don’t realize how life sustaining those three simple words can be, “he loves me.” Even when you have experienced it, it is so easy to let it slip through your fingers like water. I wish we could hold onto that moment without any effort, but it takes strength, convictions, and focus not to let it get away. I think in some ways its too big to hold.

Like water, love doesn’t have a color, an odor, or a taste, it can be solid one moment and evaporate the next. Yet without either life doesn’t exist. God loves us regardless of what we have done or not done, how we have loved, acted, or obeyed. This unconditional love, this grace, is like water freely given yet so hard to hold onto. Our independent nature, our culture, and our pride are slippery like water, clouding our judgment and telling us that our goals align with God. Before we even know what is happening we are on our own again, taking our own path, and traveling further away. How do we prevent this from happening, is there any hope? Of course there is, he’s called Christ. Go back to that moment you first experienced God’s love, humble yourself because you know you don’t deserve it, and hold onto that need. It’s that weakness that reminds us to constantly turn to God, to not rely on our own understanding, but in all things turn to God for answers.

Lord, I sell you short way too often. I only turn to you when everything else I have tried fails. I want you to be proud of me, so I try to come up with the answer on my own, but that’s not what you want. You want me to recognize and grasp my weakness, because only then will I need you. In all things, big and small, may I say “let’s pray about it.” Lord, may you control my every thought and move. May I grow dependent on you every step of the way. Lord, speak and I will obey. May I never lose track of your grace and might. Your blessings surround me, may I be constantly aware of your love. Lord, I am a sinner unworthy of your love, but you love me just the same and it moves me to my knees in prayer.

Focus in the Fog

Have you ever noticed that when you are going through spiritual, emotional, or physical storms it is very easy to get confused in the fog?  It’s like everything is fighting for your attention and you can’t seem to figure out which direction to go.  Even those with a strong navigation system can get turned around in the fog by other influences.  If you’re driving it’s best to pull over and wait for the fog to pass, but that’s not recommended when you are on a journey towards Christ.  My instinct lately has been to you stand still and wait for it to end, but God clearly called me to stop waiting and to focus on him and move.

What does this look like?  It’s hard to say, remember I’m in the fog.  Sorry, a little fog humor there.  But seriously, it means in order to get out of the fog you really need to just focus on Christ and nothing else.  Anything that is distracting you from moving out of the fog, give it to Jesus.  So, if you are in physical pain and all you can think about is how much it hurts and how tired you are, pray.  Tell Jesus the pain is making it hard to hear and see his plans for you.  Ask him to take on the pain himself so that you can better serve him.  Then move on.   Know that Christ will remove that pain and that you are not meant to sit around and moan.  Start living because that’s what you were created for!

If you are surrounded by emotional drama may your eyes be like lasers focused on Christ.  Let the entire he said/she said fall to the sides and be who God created you to be.  I was reminded of a statement I made a few years ago about work this past week.  I actually wrote in print and turned into my superiors “I work for God.”  Yes, I have bosses at work, but if my focus is doing what God created me to do then everything falls into place.  If I’m all concerned about the drama and trying to please my bosses and figure out what they want I lose track of who my real boss is and everything gets messy.  If I instead turn to God while I work and ask for his direction I am serving the Kingdom using the gifts he gave me.  When that happens the people I serve are blessed and God blesses me as well.  It’s a win-win situation.

Our spiritual journeys for the most part take place in the storms, no getting out of this one.  If you are stepping out in faith you can expect plenty of storms.  The difference is when you are focused on Christ there is a lighthouse in the distance and the beam is focused on you.  You can be surrounded by rocks, flames, and lightening yet your path will be clear and safe because Christ is taking all that on himself so that you can walk peacefully through with God.  This is the hardest one to do because it requires a huge amount of trust and faith, but it is so worth it.  This is really what it’s all about.  We are in a training program when we turn to God.  The trials start out small and get bigger and bigger, so that we may slowly increase our trust and faith.  No matter the size of your struggle, if you believe in God, start trusting that faith today!

I love the visual God showed me this morning when I was praying (yes, in the shower).  I saw this horse pulling a buggy through the fog.  The horse had the side blinders on, so he wouldn’t get spooked and frightened.  I believe that is how we are to maneuver through the fog, with blinders on to block out all the distractions.  We are to focus straight ahead on Christ so that one day we will reach our destination.  May you have a memorable ride!

Walking in the Steps

I grew up in an interdenominational church, one my great grandfather helped build in the early 1900s. I was baptized as an infant, I gave my life to God when I was 12 and went through confirmation when I was in the nineth grade. I’ve always been blessed by the immersion baptisms at church, but I have never felt led to do it myself. Imagine my surprise when during the early Easter service I heard God say “you need to do this.” I started praying into it and asking why. I didn’t really get an answer, just a gentle push. The first service ended and I wasn’t convinced. I was in the prayer room for the second service. Between prayers I would ask God repeatedly “are you sure?”

It was a blessing to pray over all those who had asked for prayers and I was again surprised when we finished early and it was suggested we join the service at the end. I planned to stand in the back, but found myself heading to the front from the far side. I pulled into a seat near the front shaking and still asking why. When it seemed the service was about to end I found myself taking off my shoes and walking toward the front. I was met by an elder who took my hand and started leading me to the tub. As I passed my son I asked him to join me, for some reason I knew he needed to be there too. As we headed to the platform I was still confused. I believe in God, I know he is my redeemer, I know I am a sinner and I chose not to live without God, why did I need to do this? I start every day in the shower praying to be cleansed from my sin and committing to walking in Christ’s footsteps. (Hence the name of this blog) What was it that God wanted me to learn? It’s taken a week to figure it out and I’m glad I obeyed.

Leading up to the days before and after the crucifixion the disciples were also confused. Jesus had promised them a new kingdom, greater than any that had ever been known. He had been teaching them a new way of thinking and living. He had done miracles no one had seen before. Shirley he was the one they were waiting for. Then it all started to fall apart. Judas betrayed Christ, Peter denied knowing him, Thomas doubted, even Jesus asked does it have to be this way? Christ was taken away, beaten, humiliated, striped of his flesh and blood, mocked, and forced to carry his own cross. What happened to the promise? Had they been mislead, lied to? Was it all over? Suddenly, they found themselves in the middle of a storm.

Well, it appears that’s the way it works. There are seasons to following Christ. The first comes when we turn to him and believe in the promise. We have to take that first step to obey and trust. The second is the storms that come from that promise. You see God doesn’t want wimps following him, it’s serious business (not to be confused with strength, it‘s just not a leap you can only do half way). Sometimes we promise to do things for God and it is Satan that comes after us; throwing everything he can come up with to stop us from being obedient to God. Other times we believe in God, but we waffle in our trust. God uses the daily storms in our lives to help us to learn how much he loves us and to grow our trust and faith in him. When we believe and trust in him, when we know all the way to our souls that he is in us and with us, and nothing will shake that faith, he completes his promise. We have to be ready to receive the promise and sometimes that takes time.  Sometimes we have to have faith that what we ask may not be what is best for us.  We have to believe that God knows what that is and will see us through.

I was stilling discussing it with God all the way up the stairs, but when I got up there I made a commitment to see it through, God wanted me to do this and I said yes. I hiked up my dress and stepped into the tub. God doesn’t leave us during the trials, he is always there and he send others to help us out and walk along side us. I had to trust in those taking me down and bringing back up as I free fell back into the water. It could be my weight, but as I hit the water I was reminded of God parting the Red Sea for the Israelites. He always provides a way to his promise, some more spectacular than others, but there is always a way.

When I finally hit the water and I was ready to come back up, but that’s not how it works either. We have to go all the way under. You can’t make it through a trial if you’re not ready to go all the way through. I wonder how many times we walk into a trial then flounder there longer then we need to because we aren’t willing to experience or do what we are suppose to. We need to face our fears and work through them before we can get to the other side. Finally, after going all the way under, I came back up thanks to the pastor and my son. I felt like I had taken a step in the right direction and my family and friends where there to support me. I had done what God called me to do, but I still needed to reflect to figure out what God wanted me to learn.

I’m in the middle of many storms right now. I've been hanging out in the middle of some of these storms, not willing to experience the trials of taking those necessary steps.  I have been questioning whether God was with me or not. I now know he is. He hasn’t left my side.  In the last couple weeks I have stepped out and committed to my faith and my priorities at home and at work.  I know now that soon the storms will pass and things will be fixed and it will all be to his glory. If you are in a trial right now and you have put your trust in God, believe in that trust. The trials are there to bring you character and strength; you will need to accept the promise.

God loves us through all seasons. The seasons, like our weather repeat themselves and form a patterns. Once is never enough; with each promise will come new trials, and at the end of each storm there will be a rainbow!

“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end — Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That’s how much you mean to me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.” Isaiah 43:1b-4 (The Message)