Worship by Living Water

When Jesus met with the lady at the well he offered her living water; endless water that refreshes and never leaves you thirsty.  It seems to me that if the bible is the living word, the bread of life, then worship is the wine, the blood of Christ, the awakening of the Holy Spirit that lives inside us when we accept Christ as our savior.  

I have been dwelling on the practice of worship and have achieved some clarity.  First, worship is between me and Jesus.  Worship needs to be authentic and sincere; in order to do that I need to block out all those around me and focus on Christ; expressing my love and appreciation for his gift of sacrifice that set me free.  

I often close my eyes and picture Jesus sitting under a tree in the garden.  I sing directly to him and no one else is around.  Each song speaks to my heart differently and I respond in kind.  Sometime I raise my hands because the song confirms in my heart that it is all about Jesus and I can’t help but acknowledge that it is not about me.  Songs with a strong beat tune into the beat of my heart and I can’t keep my hands still; the drummer in me creates a beat to match on the table, chair, or pew in front of me.  There are times when the day or week has been especially challenging and I find a wall and sit on the floor or a chair or couch and curl-up in the lap of Jesus like a child and just listen to the music and the words and I allow Jesus to soothe my soul.   There is one worship leader who plays a flute that opens up the Heavens.  I immediately picture myself as the branches of a weeping willow tree and I dance in the breeze created by Christ himself as the wind.  The freedom of this waltz pierces my heart and draws me into the arms of Christ.  There have also been times when I feel lost and the music acts like a rescue whistle and I listen intently trying to find my way back.  

Man does not live by bread alone.  May I encourage you to both read the word of God, the bread, but also to worship and take in the living water, the blood of Christ?  Accept the gift of salvation and rejoice and celebrate through worship.  Soak in the waters of his love, drink when you are weak and thirsty, cleanse yourself of the daily sins of life, and draw close to the only one who offers you living waters. 

The Well of Living Water

The well of living water exists in the empty places; I didn’t realize it till recently. For the past four years there has been a veil of doubt that covered my heart and I didn’t know. I witnessed God’s love for lost souls, but I didn’t realize the power of that love. I shared that I have cried over the soul of Jeffrey Weiss, but not all of you know his story. Jeffrey was a little boy when his father committed suicide. He was barely eleven when his mother was injured beyond healing in a car accident. He moved to an Indian reservation in Minnesota before he became a teenage; an orphan of sorts, full of pain. He was alienated, bullied, and alone. That pain turned inward and he became the bully. At sixteen he murdered his grandfather, his grandfather’s girlfriend, the school security guard, a teacher, and six students before he killed himself. I have cried for his soul in Hell because he was as much a victim of life as the lives he took. I have been angry with God for not saving his soul. I recently figured out I never asked. My faith was so blind to the power of God it never occurred to me he could be saved. While praying into this a little while ago I remembered that Jesus traveled into Hell once and I realized he could again. The scripture verse that says there is no place we can hide from God popped into my head. I asked God to save Jeffrey’s soul from Hell and I heard “done.” How often we are in the middle of a struggle and forget that the answer to our peace is just a few words away. The waters of life are endless, powerful, and always available for those who fully trust in God.

The Empty Places

I started a new study tonight, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I’m on page two when I’m faced with the holes that tear at my heart, the death of a child. I realize I’m destined to deal with this pain that I keep trying to hide, to run from. I have witnessed the burial of way too many children, victims of accidents, and violence, but it is the one who took his own life that still brings me to tears. I hear his cries in my sleep from the depths of Hell and I know he is the one soul I couldn’t save. I was too late. I am reminded of Rachel and how she peacefully floated away. I was unaware of her fight because she so joyfully let go. She was filled to completeness, at peace with her short time of existence. But Jeffrey screams silently of his pain; a pain that will never have a chance to heal. I pray for his soul. I pray that peace finds him. I share his story and tears fill my eyes and I choke back the pain. He is lost, forever burning in sin and sorrow and there is nothing I can do, he is out of reach. A homeless man pry’s at the meaning behind the tears. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to face the facts. He backs away, sensing that it is too painful to put to words. I scramble for an answer that will appease. He represents too many children who are in pain, who straddle a line between good and evil, who are both victims and killers waiting to take aim. He gently brushes back my hair and wipes my eyes, but he knows I am lying, running from the truth. The truth hurts too much. There is a soul in Hell that I can’t reach. A child who should have been saved, but was lost and swallowed up by the pain. That one soul constantly fills me with doubt. It shields me from God’s grace and leaves me wanting more; more answers, more grace, more peace, more joy. Yet, I feel empty from the loss.

The Gift of Tears

I appreciate those ha-ha moments when something finally makes sense. Life is like a great big puzzle and we are living one piece at a time. Some pieces just seem to hang out there forever while we study our lives, trying to figure out where they belong in the story. Well this Christmas a key piece to my puzzle fell into place. I have wondered for years how pain and tears became such a major part or my story. There was a Christmas movie I watched when I was young that had such a massive affect on my life that I haven’t been able to watch it again until this year. I actually found it a couple years ago in reprint. It has been in the drawer with the plastic on every since. When I see it I immediately get this feeling of dread and anguish, but all I can remember is that it was a sad movie. Well, I finally watched it this year.

The name of the movie is “The Littlest Angel.” It stars Johnny Whitaker, Jody from the television show “Family Affair” and Fred Gwynne as guardian angel Patience, more commonly known as Herman Munster. Michael, the Littlest Angel, dies unexpectedly and is shown the joy of Heaven by Patience. What I remember from my childhood was that it was the first time I was introduced to a child dying and leaving his parents. It took years to digest what that would feel like. I guess I should mention that on the Gallop scale of strengths empathy is my number one. For years I worked through how the boy would feel to suddenly be all alone without his parents. Then I thought about how parents feel when they loose a child. If I remember right I was somewhere between 8 and 10 years old at the time.

The first time I heard God’s voice I was twelve. I had been experiencing a number of deaths among my friends and I was mad at God for taking them. I understood how their parents felt to loose their children and how scared my friends were to be dead. God spoke to me and told me that He wanted me to help my friends let go and come to Him. As I connected to my friends in prayer I felt them let go, and glide into the arms of our savior. You see during those years of exploring the emotions of death I discovered how much God loves us. You see He knew the plan. He knew how much it would hurt to watch His child suffer and be tortured, then die. He knew what Jesus would experience, yet He loves us so much that He set the plan in motion anyway. As we celebrate Christmas I am reminded that along with the gift of salvation we also received the gift of tears. God knows our pain because He choose to suffer for us. I know God’s tears because I have shed them, but I also know His love.

So, to all the parents whose children have left this earth too soon: Alisha, Amy, Jeff, Nina, and Rachel, the children of Red Lake, Columbine, and Newtown God knows your pain, you are not alone. God weeps with all the parents as He holds your children tightly in His arms.

Rachal in the Wind

Rachal, your death perplexes me. I am no stranger to death. I said good-bye to more friends before my 20^th birthday then most say in a life-time. I have buried hundreds of friends and family over the years, but none have rocked me as much as your death. I want to know why. So, as you know I’m praying about it. What I know for certain is that you are up in Heaven right now enjoying a good glass of wine with Jesus and God and looking down at us all like dominoes and saying “you were using me to do all of that?” As I ask what is it about you that moves me I keep hearing “that you were the wind” and right now that is making sense. I know you would love this delving part, so I ask, “what is the wind like.”

There are some winds that gently blow up against things and people. You were like that. Even those who only worked with you for a month or so have been moved by your death and they don’t why. You touched them like the wind, gently, you moved them and they weren’t even aware.

There are some winds that physically move an object to a different place. You were like that. There are so many who not only found new meaning to their lives because of your perspective and wisdom, but those who made conscience choices to think and act in a different way because of your gently persuasion.

There are some winds however that move through people and objects; and to me that is who you are. Your spirit moved through me, not that I was always aware, but I now feel intertwined. I feel like God is reaching out to me with this lesson about how life is to change forever because of you. I am feeling led to see each and every relationship I make as one that touches all the way to the heart. I feel haunted by the depth of how much you touched me. It’s a bit uncomfortable, but I am learning to open up to it.

Lord I pray that a strain of what makes each person unique will twist with my heart strings and build a band of love that can overpower all evil and hatred. Lord, please use the spiritual winds of Rachal to bring a permanent change to this world. May love grow deeper, stronger, and more aggressively then ever before. May your will be done, and may we hear again Rachal’s sweet giggle in the wind, totally surprised and humbled by the change of events.

Standing in Still Waters

It’s time to get real and define what it means to be a Christian. There are too many people sitting in church missing the boat. Christianity is an action verb. You are a Christian if you are craving to know Christ and to be more like him. This means you are studying God’s word daily, looking for answers and clues to who God and Christ are. You are praying 24/7 listening and seeking the truth. You are becoming more dependent on Christ for all things, big and small. Here’s the big one…you are serving Christ in your home, work, school, church, and community, daily. The Holy Spirit is alive and well in you because you invite him to lead your life every morning, to fuel your heart, and focus your mind on Christ.

When you accepted Christ as your savior you acknowledged your sins and asked for forgiveness. God washed you clean with the blood of Christ and welcomed you with his loving grace. What have you done since? When you fill a pond with water it looks fresh and clean at first. If you don’t continue to filter and move the water it becomes stale and stagnate. It fills with all kinds of contaminants. Start moving the water in your life; pray, study, serve, and seek. Stop standing!

Send in the Fog

Surrounded by fog today I was reminded of those moments when I feel covered in God’s love.  I am able to worship with a group of friends who are hungry for God.  I read the word and God speaks, softly but clearly, into my every need.  He fills me with his light and shines through me to others.  These are the times when God is out in plain view for all to see, usually because I have opened my heart to him and invited him into my life.  I am focused on God and it is effortless.

However, there are other times when as much as I long for his comfort and support that I find myself in a desert.  I feel alone, surrounded by nothing but dry dirt.  I long for just an ounce of water, but I don’t know where to look.  Actually, I do know where to look; I just don’t find myself going there.  I need to be searching his word for direction and hope, but I am lost in the pain, the loneliness, holding onto the anger and fear.  I hold onto the hopelessness because reaching out for God feels like to much work.  I am angry that he doesn’t reach out for me.  He knows that is what I want, why won’t He save me?

For many the trinity is a very hard concept to grasp.  The easiest explanation I have ever heard defined in it terms of water.  God is the ice at the core of it all.  He is the foundation that the world was built on.  Jesus is the water.  He flows around us and through us.  He provides the living waters that sustain us and bring us life.  His blood has washed our sins away allowing a relationship with God that is pure and holy.  The spirit is the steam, fog, or vapor that fills the air.  It is all around us, at times more visible then others.  It is the spirit that is hard to hold onto.  When we are dry it is hardly visible; when we are full of God it can be seen everywhere we go. 

When we are deep in despair and we find ourselves in dry land we are not alone.  God is just beneath the surface, but it will take a bit of effort to bring Him to the top.  We need a shovel or pick to break through the layers of dirt we are holding onto.  It will be worth it, trust me.  Pick up a bible and let the words guide you through the dirt to the core of all life. 

Sometimes it is fire that has left us dry and separated from God.  That fire comes from Satan.  He uses our sins to walk into our lives and muddy the waters, drying our souls and leaving us thirst and lost.  The fire may seem uncontrollable, but it is not.  Water will always put out the fire.  It will put up a fight, but in the end it will hiss like a snake and fade away.