Cleansing Waters

I have a history of tears. It’s not always something I’m happy about, but it is a deep part of who I am. I first met God in those tears. Between my twelfth and thirteen birthdays I lost thirteen of my friends. It was in those tears of sorrow and pain that I reached out to God and asked why, and for the first time in my life I heard him reply. We made a connection during those moments and I have felt his heart ever since. I have cried cleansing tears that healed deep wounds, and I have prayed and cried with others as we sought their wounds and found healing. I tend to cry when I tell people my story, because I am just so moved that God would love me through all my mistakes and trials; that no matter how far I have wondered he is right there, waiting to catch me. During worship tears just flow from my eyes. I don’t have any control over them. Sometimes they are tears of regret at my own sin, but usually they are tears of joy that I feel from the overflowing love from my creator and friend. My tears come from my heart and from God’s heart. At times those tears are His tears of pain and loss.

I’ve been crying a lot of those this week. Yesterday I said good-bye to a sister in Christ that left this world way too early. We met through a friend. My friend has spent a lifetime running from the pain in her life. For twelve years she has ran to alcohol. We met four years ago and found companionship in those tears of pain. We have retraced her steps and cried through all the tragedies in her life. We discovered that in order to be able to handle the pain that just happens in life, she had to build up strength by facing the past. She needed to learn to face pain when it happens, so that she could change the patterns in her life and walk away from the alcohol. All of the tragedy hung over her like a cloud that would never go away. It controlled her every thought and action.

She met our new friend in jail; they were cell mates. They moved to the Gospel Mission when they got out and have been inseparable ever since. Our new friend was adventurous, fun, and always laughing; but she had never faced her addiction and she just couldn’t walk away. The tears God has cried have been tears of loss. The loss of possibility of what could have been different in our friend’s life. Her pain was so deeply buried that she couldn’t find it. She never faced it and it kept pulling her in. She had walked away from all of her friends and family. God wept at their loss; that they didn’t know her. He wept at their fear over wanting to know her, and the anger that had separated them from her.

It’s not fun to cry; your face gets all red, your nose fills up and runs, and sometimes you make these snorts and gasps, but God wants us to cry. When we shed tears we show our hearts, and that’s where we meet God. He comes along side us and helps us through the pain. He gives us a new perspective and shows us his grace and mercy. The Word tells us that God collects our tears. They represent our humility and weakness. It is in our weakness that we become strong; we become His.

Lord, I crumble at your feet. Life sometimes is so hard, and I don’t always make the right decisions. Thank you Lord for being there in those moments of humility when I come face to face with the errors of my ways. You use my tears to cleanse me; to wash away my sins and make me whole for your glory. Lord, help me to continue to embrace those moments I am not so proud of; to bring them to you. Lord, when life hits hard help me not to run, but to face those moments like David faced Goliath. You are always with me and I know you will help me through. May your strength empower me in those times of despair; may I rejoice in the storms of your tears for you are always with me. In your son’s name, Amen.